Guns, Impossibly Beautiful Women, Nice Rides and Politics


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I'll Take Jackwagon for a Thousand, Alex

Police charged Fasher with:

Driving while intoxicated, Indecent exposure, Urinating in public, Disturbing the peace, Failure to stay in marked lanes, Destruction of public property, Assaulting a police officer, Driving an unregistered motor vehicle, Driving an uninsured motor vehicle ...
Wait One ...
Non-payment of child support, Public intoxication, Evading police, Passengers not wearing seat belts, Transporting lab animals without proper permits and Contributing to the delinquency of a minor.


“We spotted the green Hyundai Elantra traveling at approximately five miles-per-hour in the passing lane with a huge shower of sparks coming from the rear of the vehicle. As we got closer we noticed that the rear end of the vehicle was dragging on the ground due to the fact that there were no rear tires or axle on the vehicle,” said Lt. Sullivan of the Canton Police. “After the vehicle pulled over, we approached it and found that the driver was not only drinking a can of beer, but that he was not wearing any pants and that he had urinated on himself.”

After not one, but two, brief foot chases, Francis Fasher, 45, of Foxboro, was placed under arrest.

“There were also two female passengers in the back seat,” stated Lt. Sullivan. “One of the females was asleep, partially clad. The other was extremely hysterical. At that time, we believed that she might have been under the influence of PCP, due to the fact that she claimed there were mice biting at her and climbing on her.”

Because of the size of the two women, police were unable to pull the women out of the rear doors of the vehicle. After members of the Canton Rescue Squad cut the roof off the vehicle, and with the help of a crane supplied by Shaugnessy Crane, the women were lifted out of the car. Police estimate the weight of each woman was between 300 and 450 pounds.
It only gets worse after all that.

Something about following the Scraaach marks 4 miles back to a bar where they located the missing rear axel and wheels. Police figure the combined weight of the three passengers caused the rearend of the Hyundai to become disengaged from the vehicle. Yeah ... Thank Heavens for Front Wheel Drive.


  1. "Transporting lab animals??" Were they referring to the women?

    Funniest thing I've read today. ReallY

  2. Hey there Adrienne ... Yeah in the article it says they found a nest of mice in the back amongst the other debris.

  3. What next, posting Onion articles? You are a fool.

  4. Ibet THEY all voted for osuitass.