Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Ever Feel Like Giving Jose Canseco the Finger
Well, Apparently he Could Use One.
via The Daley Gator
Fixed It.
via The Daley Gator
Former Major League Baseball Most Valuable Player Jose Canseco—the first player to hit 40 home runs and steal 40 bases in a season—is recovering from a negligent discharge:
Former major league slugger Jose Canseco is recovering after shooting himself in the hand at his Las Vegas home.
Metro police Lt. Mark Reddon says officers responded to a call of an accidental shooting shortly after 2:30 p.m. Tuesday.
Reddon says Canseco told police he was cleaning his gun in the kitchen when it fired, shooting a fingeronoff his left hand. He was taken to University Medical Center of Southern Nevada.
Fixed It.
Giants Win the World Series
MLB Baseball's World Series concluded last night with another win for the San Francisco Giants.
As you would expect, Great pitching, Great hitting and determined defense. It was hard fought by both teams and a good game to watch. Game Commentary may have been the most irritating I've ever seen. I watched on Fox. The announcers must have had some kind of contest going on to see who could use the name "Bumgarner" most often.
Bottom of the third inning a Double Play is reviewed then reversed for the first time in World Series play. The review took almost 3 minutes and offered more time to say "Bumgarner Bumgarner Bumgarner". Shut UP!
It was an RBI in the top of the forth inning that brought in the go ahead run for the Giants. After that it was 5 Innings Bumgarner Bumgarner BUUUMMMGAAARRRNNNER". Shut UP!
Later, At the MVP Award Ceremony, MLB Sponsor Chevrolet sent the most nervous guy in Kansas to present the award. Watch ...
In Other News ... The Obvious
Reporter: "You've prepared to face a Peyton Manning offense more than 20 times in your coaching career. Is there one common thread that stands out to you over the years of how those preparations and then the game has unfolded?"
Bill: "I guess Manning."
Bottom of the third inning a Double Play is reviewed then reversed for the first time in World Series play. The review took almost 3 minutes and offered more time to say "Bumgarner Bumgarner Bumgarner". Shut UP!
It was an RBI in the top of the forth inning that brought in the go ahead run for the Giants. After that it was 5 Innings Bumgarner Bumgarner BUUUMMMGAAARRRNNNER". Shut UP!
Later, At the MVP Award Ceremony, MLB Sponsor Chevrolet sent the most nervous guy in Kansas to present the award. Watch ...
In Other News ... The Obvious
Reporter: "You've prepared to face a Peyton Manning offense more than 20 times in your coaching career. Is there one common thread that stands out to you over the years of how those preparations and then the game has unfolded?"
Bill: "I guess Manning."
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
IOTW Announces Gender Reidentification
OR ... It might just be a name change. Give em a click, they'll take a mile. Guaranteed to be Ebola free and no one will try to whack you with a hatchet.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Fun in Keene
Riot on the pumpkin patch: Police called in to pepper spray out-of-control students at the pumpkin festival as they overturn cars and launch themselves from rooftops
Students from New Hampshire State decided to throw a kegger during the annual Keene Pumpkin Festival on Saturday. Students arriving at the festival from Rhode Island State were turned away when the beer ran out and called 911 claiming they had been discriminated against as a minority group in Keene NH. Pure Racism was alleged, a hate crime. The NH State students claimed the RI Kids had been scooping all the local chicks and were asked to return to their own venue of Higher Education.
And thats when the fight started ...
Parties in Keene, N.H., got out of hand Saturday, as thousands of students spilled out into the street and were met with police in riot gear who fired tear gas.
First Responders investigating later found that the RI Kids had in fact exceeded their bag limit on local NH State Chicks and that the NH State kids had willfully and discriminatly refused free beer to a minority group of students from Rhode Island. All involved were charged accordingly.
Reportedly, The UMass kids were all stoned and were having a heck of a time getting pizza delivery but otherwise thought everything was normal.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Fear Not Citizens
WE'RE SAVED ... The OBAMA has appointed a new EBOLA CZAR
Ron Klain a prominent Doctor and Specialist in communicable diseases has been appointed to save us all from the dreaded plague. Just look at his resume.
Aww CRAP! He's another FRIGGIN Lawyer. Nevermind
Ron Klain a prominent Doctor and Specialist in communicable diseases has been appointed to save us all from the dreaded plague. Just look at his resume.
1. General Counsel: As general counsel for the Gore Recount Committee, Klain was at the forefront of the 2000 “hanging chad” controversy, aiding in the Gore campaign’s ultimately unsuccessful attempt to clinch Florida’s 25 electoral votes.
2. Chief-of-Staff: As Biden’s chief-of-staff, he helped oversee implementation of the Recovery Act, the stimulus package enacted in 2009.
3. Debate Prep Advisor: Klain also served as a top debate prep adviser for Presidents Obama and Clinton as well as Democratic presidential candidates Al Gore and John Kerry.
4. Private Sector: He left the White House in 2011 to become president of Case Holdings and general counsel at Revolution LLC, a technology-oriented venture capital firm founded by AOL co-founder Steve Case.
5. Education: He’s a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard Law School and a former law clerk to Supreme Court Justice Byron White.
Aww CRAP! He's another FRIGGIN Lawyer. Nevermind
The Sound Of 10000 TERA Packages Hitting The Deck
Executive Order: Ordering the Selected Reserve and Certain Individual Ready Reserve Members of the Armed Forces to Active Duty
EXECUTIVE ORDER
- - - - - - -
ORDERING THE SELECTED RESERVE AND CERTAIN INDIVIDUAL READY RESERVE MEMBERS OF THE ARMED FORCES TO ACTIVE DUTY
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including sections 121 and 12304 of title 10, United States Code, I hereby determine that it is necessary to augment the active Armed Forces of the United States for the effective conduct of Operation United Assistance, which is providing support to civilian-led humanitarian assistance and consequence management support related to the Ebola virus disease outbreak in West Africa. In furtherance of this operation, under the stated authority, I hereby authorize the Secretary of Defense, and the Secretary of Homeland Security with respect to the Coast Guard when it is not operating as a service in the Navy, under their respective jurisdictions, to order to active duty any units, and any individual members not assigned to a unit organized to serve as a unit of the Selected Reserve, or any member in the Individual Ready Reserve mobilization category and designated as essential under regulations prescribed by the Secretary concerned, and to terminate the service of those units and members ordered to active duty.
This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.
BCARACK OBAMOLA
THE WHITE HOUSE,
October 16, 2014.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Gracioso Sabado Gigante
A husband and wife are shopping in their local HEB. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
That's him on Aisle 5.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Rumors
via Blur Brain
Kim Jong Un is apparently Kim Jong Gone
Once voted the sexiest man alive on Uranus
Kim Jong Un is apparently Kim Jong Gone
Once voted the sexiest man alive on Uranus
The speculation was feverish: Kim Jong-un was ill, he was addicted to Swiss cheese, he had gout, he had disappeared – was he still alive?
The question still remains – Kim has not been seen in public for a month – but yesterday, among the many sober suits at the Asian Games in Incheon, South Korea, appeared a Vice Marshal of the Korean People's Army, the North's second most powerful person. Wearing an olive uniform, Hwang Pyong-so had arrived.